No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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