On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
