No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
