Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
