I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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