you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
