You work out of a Hotel?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i think my cat just said my name.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
