I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
