his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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