your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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