At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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