Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
