life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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