goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
