I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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