somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
