I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
