do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
false alarm. still invincible.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
