how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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