dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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