There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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