Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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