She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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