Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
