That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
