Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
