All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
