The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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