My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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