guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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