It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
