Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
two words...techno handjob
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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