Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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