Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
