I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
