i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
