I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
