You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
