Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
