my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
