My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I got inside last night via doggy door
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
