Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
