Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
