Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
