i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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