I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
