You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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