How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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