So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
