I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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