Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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