i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
