He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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